St Nicholas, the Savior of Lorraine

This weekend, here in the Lorraine region of France (also in Alsace and in Germany), St. Nicholas came.

Once upon a time, there were three children who were out collecting wheat. They lost track of time and soon realized that it had gotten dark. They started back but realized that they had become lost in the darkness. They came upon a house and knocked on the door. A butcher came to the door and let them come inside out of the cold. Variations of this legend have the butcher either chopping up the children and either salting them or baking them into a bread. In any case,something creepy, dark and scary happens to them and they are kept in a vat of salt for 7 years until one fateful day that the hero and savior of all of Lorraine, St Nicholas arrives on the scene, saves/resurrects them and chases the evil butcher away forever.

In this corner of the world, St Nicholas is a very important figure for everyone. While having a similar appearance to Santa, they are by no means the same person. While slightly commercialized with pain d'épices (spice cakes) being sold by everyone everywhere,  6th of December represents more than ist some red and green or some gifts wrapped in big bows. It's a day where everyone comes togetherand celebrates life, blessings and love in a very convivial, family way. It's a day of community that leaves everyone with warm feelings and a real sense of prideful be of the region (a feeling that I agree with wholeheartedly even if I can only claim to be of the region for such a short moment).

Saturday night, in La Place Stanislas, the mot beautiful white marble-ish square in the entire world,over 30,000, yes, that's thirty THOUSAND, of my closest French friends and I wheezed into the squareto listen to the legend of St Nicholas beautifully displayed with a light show projected onto the buildings full of beautiful music and amazing choreographed fireworks displays that entered right into the rhythm of the story. The perfect timing of wonderful bursts of gorgeous fireworks that literally took my breath away  at the most suspenseful moments left me speechlessly awed at the end. I've never seen such a powerful, beautiful splay in my entire life. At one point, there was a sea of golden sparkling  waves of shimmering fireworks that framed the square and the sheer joy that was radiating from everyone's eyeswas a sight that not only reminded me how lucky I am to be here, but also warmed my heart.

Being Thankful

I'm thankful for...

The opportunity to live in a place so rich in history and in beauty.

My parents-always supportive and always willing to listen at any hour of the day.

My sister who I will always do anything for and who I know will always do anything for me.

Having such a wonderful support system surrounding and lifting me up.

Friends all around the world that love me and who put up with me.

New ties that bring a whole new and beautiful meaning to family.

A "working" internet connection that is allowing me to listen to the 40 second previews of Julie Andrews Christmas songs since I am a little too poor to actually buy the 3 cd's.

Relatively good health (other than a pesky staph infection in my eye).

Having been raised in such a glorious and wonderful place (nothing could ever make me stop loving Ohio).

A sense of humor.

Being free.

This weekend has been one so fulfilling that I don't know if I will be able to accurately and adequately  capture it within words. Every so often in my life, I find that there are certain feelings of fullness that leave me so satisfied and content that I am unable to express them to the outside world. It's natural that around Thanksgiving, one becomes aware things that they are thankful for in their life but, I try my hardest to stay thankful and grateful all year long.

A wise person once told me that fellowship is best grown around a table; Last week, that's exactly what we accomplished. While not setting out to grow fellowship, the Thanksgiving dinner that I had the wonderful opportunity to share with my fellow language assistants was one that definitely embodied everything that fellowship stands for. Being surrounded by others who were living far from home and who understand how the small things in life are actually the big things when you're abroad is a welcome part of living so close to the others in my program. Spending this Thanksgiving with 15 Irish, English, American, Canadian, and German girls (and 1 boy) eating all of the typical Thanksgiving delicacies (plus yorkshire pudding!), skyping with my family at 5:45 AM their time because I was unable to contain my excitement and sharing pumpking (working on the pronunciation of that) pie with my 6 year olds who unfortunately thought that it was one of the most disgusting things that they've ever eaten was the perfect Thanksgiving for me for this year.

During an interview on a radio station this evening, I was asked to explain Thanksgiving. It's difficult to put into words how much this one day means to not only me but also to everyone else out there in the States who celebrate this day. I was then asked if there were any special songs for Thanksgiving and how did one celebrate it. After reflecting for a moment, I realized that even with the traditions of turkey, football and getting overly excited to see Santa end the Parade, Thanksgiving isn't defined by these things. While they make up some of the things that happen on the day, in the end, it's all about family and being thankful for the things in your life that you don't deserve.

No Cross, No Jesus

Every so often, something completely unexpected happens and knocks you off your feet. Today, I had this experience while leading a Halloween BINGO game with a bunch of 6 year olds. While instructing the children to draw a cross on their wipeoff boards to create 4 different squares in which they would place pictures of Halloween words, a small, slight girl of 6 simply saying no. Taken aback, I looked at her and instructed her again to make a cross on her board and again, she replied, "no Jesus." Completely disoriented and caught off guard, I clumsily muttered for her to make an x on the board up and down and drew a cross in the air and she, more indignantly this time and with more force replied, "no cross, no Jesus" and proceeded to draw an X instead. I, feeling a bit awkward and a bit defeated from being humiliated by a 6 year old, scurried along in fear of being accused of Christian indoctrination from forcing a child to draw a cross, ignoring that she was unable to completely participate in the game due to this blind and passionate refusal to draw two intersecting lines in the middle of her whiteboard.

It's at least mentioned let alone taught in almost every French class that I have ever been in that France is a "laïc" nation. The fact that France is secular is one that has been ingrained into my head every step of my academic life but today was the first time that I saw that firsthand. Hours later, I am still completely overwhelmed by my feelings from earlier, both confusion and raw anger, that stemmed from the request to draw a shape. While a cross is one of the most powerful and symbolic Christian images known to mankind, it also happens to be a shape that is used commonly in school that before today, I had never really associated with Jesus.

 The separation between church and state is so vast here that one would believe that it is almost unpatriotic to be religious in this country. The "curious" wonderings of various Europeans who want to know more about the lack of separation of church and state in the US is both patronizing and an exhausting topic that I have come to dread. Upon further thinking on the topic, I've come to realize that in the US, the church is separate from the state but the state isn't wholly separated from the church. There are various examples strew throughout the fibers of the American way of life from mottos on currency to prayers from the President during times of grief and turmoil of core Christian values that are a part of the nation. There will never be any laws created that directly inhibit the freedom of religion but the elected officials all bring various backgrounds of spirituality into the backbone of the nation.

This brief yet powerful encounter with my student today is one that I will not easily forget. It has caused me to be extremely uneasy in my thoughts today and, I imagine, will be an experience that I will look back on and perpetually be perplexed by.

I would love to play field hockey...

This weekend, I had the glorious opportunity to discover a new sport, field hockey. My roommate plays in a club 3 times a week and while out with her, the other 2 roommates, her friend and the hockey club at a bar Friday night, I mentioned that I had never played before. Not only had I never played before, but in my shelter of rural Northeastern Ohio, I didn't have any inkling to what field hockey consisted of. In that moment, the plans for the next morning were set in motion. The guys, appalled yet intrigued by my lack of knowledge of the sport, invited us to join them the next morning. An eager yes by me was followed by groans and protests of the girls surrounding me but, much to their avail, our fates had been sealed; we would be playing field hockey bright and early the next morning.

After a night of dancing and all around fun, sometimes an early morning is difficult. For me on Saturday morning, this couldn't have been further from the truth. I couldn't sleep because I was so excited for the practice! The other Americans were also excited. We were beside ourselves with the prospect of expanding our vast collection of cultural experiences with both a roommate bonding time and an athletic adventure. The English on the other hand couldn't have been more disgruntled. Waking only 10 minutes before the ride was due, choruses of "Jen! How could you do this to us? Hockey?!? Now? We hate you!" rang throughout the apartment as they drug themselves out of the bed that they had only fallen into a few hours earlier. I, on the other hand, couldn't stop bouncing around the apartment with the anticipation of the coming adventure. Sitting with my alpha chi ball cap and t-shirt, pair of athletic shorts and tennis shoes, I couldn't look more American if I had wanted to. Finally, it was time to leave. Somehow, we all made it to the car in one piece and set off.

On the way to the gymnasium, our friend that was driving pulled off suddenly and parked his car on the side of the road. A little confused, we looked around to see the cause of the sudden stop but all we could see in front of us was the boulangère. Leave it to the French to stop off at the bakery to get some pain au chocolat before a sports practice.

At hockey practice, we were a motley crew; 3 Americans that had never played hockey before, 2 English girls who had danced a little too hard the night before and 1 French boy who was there to hone his hockey skills but instead got his own cultural experience in watching us anglophones try and make sense of the chaos that follows us in all that we do. After regaining my composure at the confusion that is the shape of a field hockey stick (unfortunately, in my embarrassingly uneducated mind, I was imaging a lacrosse stick instead of the wooden curved stick that was put in my hands), we worked on basic drills to become more familiar with the sticks. Eventually, we honed what little we knew into basic skills that allowed us to play something that resembled a match (or is it a game?). After almost an hour and a half, we put an end to our hockey education for the day with a round of high fives and feelings of pride and accomplishment that we were able to play a sort of haphazard game (or is it match?) and derive such enjoyment out of it.

The ache that is omnipresent throughout my lower body today proves that yesterday was both successful and taxing. Unable to straighten my legs without the muscles tightening as one is a reminder of how alive France makes me feel. The constant growth in the relationships that I have with the other assistants is so assuring and makes being in France a constant adventure where I don't know what tomorrow will bring. While here, I am trying to say no to nothing, which is how in the middle of a bar, the roommates and I got signed up for hockey in the morning in the first place. By always saying yes, I am constantly trying to broaden my horizons and experiences. So far, I think it's working!

Something Good

The past week has been a whirlwind of adventures, emotions and experiences. Yesterday , I left the German world that I've been surrounded with the past week and enter back into a land where I won't have to nod and smile and hope that I haven't just insulted someone with my lack of knowledge of the language. Only a few minor mishaps due to the language barrier including ordering 6 euros worth of potato salad and 7 liters of beer instead of the check, all in all, my time in Germany and Austria has been a happy one. 

While I love Munich, Salzburg completely stole my heart. A town more beautiful than anything imaginable, the moment that I stepped off the train into the city, my breath was taken away.  With its winding cobblestone streets, scenic landscapes and the decadent mountains surrounding and embracing the city, Salzburg charmed me more than I thought it would. 

My entire life, Salzburg has been this dream place where I would go in times of turmoil, sadness or just boredom. It served as a feeling of security, a place where I would always be safe. Since before I can remember, The Sound of Music has not only been my favorite movie, it has been my rock. My very first memory of watching Julie Andrews twirl around the spacious green hills above  Salzburg were experienced in the warm, comforting arms of my grandmother. Honestly, it's the most vivid and complete memory that I have of her. Watching the marionettes hop and sing,the children dancing joyfully around the city and the long, graceful Wedding Processional would make all of my fears and worries disappear into nothing. It's more than just a movie to me, it's something that has molded me and formed me into the young woman that I am today.

On October 24th, 2013, I chose to make The Sound of Music forever apart of my life by having one of the lyrics tattooed onto my foot. For a few years now, I have been trying to imagine what a Sound of Music tattoo would look like. I was having difficulties picturing anything other than music notes with the lyrics "Do Re Mi" around them and to me, there wasn't enough meaning in that to be permanently tattooed  onto my body. Then, a few days before embarking on this journey to France, I found the answer to what I had been seeking for years. 

I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed by the love of the people in my life and deeply troubled with the thought of leaving them. In the background, the song, Something Good was playing and for a moment, I got lost in between my fear of leaving/losing those I love and my gratitude of having such wonderful people that I could ever feel so much uncertainty. To have so much love and luck in life, "I must have done something good."

Opened eyes to the horrors of the Holocaust

Under the brilliant blue of the endless skylines with the crisp oranges and reds of Fall, the world seemed so peaceful and still in Dachau, Germany today. If I hadn't known what I had gotten myself into, I would have commented on the gorgeous scenery and the wide open landscape that was painted before my eyes. About 75 years ago, the atmosphere and the tranquility of this space couldn't have been any more different. In 1933, Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party opened the gates to the first of countless concentration camps in Dachaull with the support of the German government. This serene piece of Earth left me feeling quite uneasy and unsettled by the offsetting of the beauty of the land with the terror of what happened on its soil.

In choosing to tour a place that housed, tortured and slaughtered tens of thousands of human beings, one is painfully and sorrowfully aware of the horrors that were lived out but I was unprepared for how It would make me feel walking the same path that  a prisoner might have walked. Moving along throughout the various parts of the camp from the iron gate with its solid, iron-clad motto "Work shall set you free," to the initial shower room, from the barracks designed for 50 but eventually held over 2000 to the large square where the role call would be completed and finally from the crematorium to the gas chambers, today I lived at least a few moments in the depths of a history so full of shame and hurt that it's impossible to fully grasp the extent of the damage. Standing in the same room where innocent people guilty only of being themselves were tricked into voluntarily walking and stripping down for their own tragic death by gas made the weight of all of the images of the broken down people become so much more than just stories or moments from history; it overwhelmed me with emotions and made me see things from the other side of the story. By seeing these things for myself, I awakened a sense of duty to these victims and these survivors that I do everything in my power to honor them and standing up for what I know is wrong, even if the cost is high. 

The Holocaust is something that I've always known of and have always prided myself in "understanding" and being interested in. After seeing for myself the destruction and the unfathomable horrors, I realize now that there is no "understanding" it. It's not something to be interested in but rather something we should be interested in preventing from ever happening again. By painfully remembering the people lost and hurt during the Holocaust, we can hope that the world has evolved into a place where mass genocide and crimes against humanity would just be things in a history book. 

Walking through Dachau today, I experienced intense emotions of guilt, shame, anger, confusion but mostly, just sadness. This is an experience that I will never forget.

Disconnected

Yet again, I find myself sitting amongst an array of other assistants in the Quick (a little classier version of McDonald's) to take advantage of the free wifi, the rustic potatoes and the ice cubes in the pop. Unfortunately, as time passes on, we are finding ourselves to be hanging out in fast food restaurants more often than we would like to admit. For the past two weeks, our internet has been down more than it has been up, a lot more. In fact, if we counted the amount of times it has actually been working, we probably wouldn't be able to use two hands.

While it has been rather stressful trying to plan a cross-countries trip without any internet and  keeping in touch with my family while my sister had surgery (she is a little less wise now since her wisdom teeth have been removed but is doing well), being disconnected has been an exciting/exhilerating experience. Not being able to google something or facebook message a friend has made me live more in the moment and appreciate the little things in life. I've had to be more pre-emptive in my planning and the lack of internet in the Residence has made all of the assistants to communicate more one-on-one and be more social in each other's lives.

Tomorrow, a few of my roommates and I and our Canadian friend are going off on an adventure. We're are traveling to Munich and Salzburg together. Then, I will take a bus to Frankfurt and spend some time with a sorority sister, hop on a plane to England and experience London and Brighton with my little's bestie and then come back to La France. Fortunately, I'm being paid to have 8 weeks of paid vacation during my 7 months here and I'm trying to take advantage of every moment of it.

À plus!

Community

Every person, whether they want it or not, craves community.

Community is a feeling of belonging. It's knowing that people care for you and that they support you in your endeavors. Community accepts you even if you don't accept yourself. It's a place that allows you to take risks and will be there for you whether you fall or you fly. Community cannot be broken by simple words or feelings; it's stronger and deeper than an argument. It helps you grow and cultivate your passions, interests and overall personality while not forcing you to change. Community is a place in your heart that just makes sense. It's home. 

I know that personally, community is one of the those things that really have an impact on the richness of a life. Without a sense of community, you're alone facing the world that so easily can tear you down. I've been blessed with such a strong community of people constantly surrounding me in Ohio that the idea of leaving such a safe, warm, loved environment is one that could fill you with regret and fear. Instead, I know that my pirates, my family and my dear friends will always be there to encourage me to branch out and be the best Jem that I could be.

Luckily for me, I have not found it difficult to find community here in Nancy. Everywhere I look, there is someone willing to stick out their hand to help me or someone to talk to. The nice thing about being a a language assistant is that there are 12 other people who know exactly what I'm going through and who are living the same changes that I am. These other primary language assistants are people who are so positive, so upbeat and such great people who have already etched themselves a place in my heart. The community felt already is so inspiring and heartwarming. I know that I am in a good place. They are my community.

You can't get more French than...

Upon further reflection into the reality of my living situation, I have realized that  I am quite an impressionable human being and that I tend to adapt my lifestyle to that of those around me. This being said, the longer that I am in France, the more I feel as though I am becoming a bit more French as the days go on. Taking this with a grain of salt (I'm not sure that I could ever completely lose my Buckeye attitude and my in general american-ness completely), it is an observation that leaves me feeling both hopeful and a bit uneasy.

While I've only been in France for 2 weeks, I feel as though I've been here for an eternity. It's as if I've been floating on air and been going through the motions (and emotions) but that it's all been a dream. Every so often I find myself stopping and looking around at my surroundings and being so overcome with gratitude and awe that I literally stop and breathe in the weight of the opportunity that I have. I am so lucky. The people with whom I am surrounded are wonderful and they are so supportive in my quest to (honestly, I'm not quite sure what goes at the end of this sentence so, I'm possibly on a quest to find out what quest I'm on).

Each day brings about new adventures and continuously changing circumstances. Certain things are getting easier like finding my way back to my appartement and enjoying a good, smelly cheese. I'm enjoying wandering the city and rediscovering the sites (and sights) of the beautiful Nancy. As time marches on, being away from everyone isn't necessarily getting easier, it's just becoming more familiar and more normal.

One thing that I know for sure, you can't get more French than going to the supermarket and buying 4 bottles of red wine, some camembert cheese and some French bread.

Orientation, Falling Potatoes and French Children

Today I began my official role as "assistante de langue" in the primary school Jean JAURES. While I'm not officially teaching quite yet, I did get to meet some of the students and the teachers that I will be working with. This week is full of orientation stuff so I was glad to meet the people that I would be seeing on a daily basis. I will be working with a guy from Colorado who seems pretty cool. 

The school itself is so charming! It is small, there are 2 classes in each grade level but I had forgotten how adorable french children are!! I don't actually speak any french at school (the kids think that we  don't know any French at all and even the other teachers who don't speak English say "Hello" to us when passing instead of "Bonjour")! I will be working with 6 year olds and 7 year olds mainly and I couldn't be happier. I "work"Monday, Tuesday and Thursdays from 9:15-11:15 and then again from 2:15-4:15 and only live about a 3 minute walk from school when there's traffic so I have it pretty easy.

I still have another week full of orientation like things so I won't really be able to say that I've started working until next week but it feels wonderful to start working again! While I loved sleeping in and wandering around town, I'm glad to be able to have more structure in my French life again!  I've been discovering and rediscovering little nooks of the town and couldn't be happier with my life here in Nancy. On Sunday I hung out with my 2nd host family and lucky to spend the afternoon with them (also to eat real food that wasn't undercooked, lettuce, or happened to fall on my head when reaching for it on the shelf...a bag of potatoes is really hard!). I'm excited to enrich my relationships with them, my other host families and my french friends and deepen my ties to La Lorraine. 

Nancy: the first 2 days

Sipping some mint tea at my desk, looking out upon the courtyard of my apartment, I am content. A little after 5 PM, the church bells are stil ringing a charming melody that is filling up the entire room. I have officially been in Nancy for 2 and a half days. The city is just as beautiful and familiar as I remember. Everyone that I've run across has been more than helpful. I can't wait to continue exploring the city and rediscovering why I loved it here in the first place and discovering new surprises. 

While my heart is still aching from being apart from those that I love, I look forward to being able to share my adventures, shenanigans and troubles with you all. I am very blessed to have people not only back home that care for me but also some people here in Nancy who are looking after me too! With all of your prayers, worries and well wishes, this year will be one to remember!!

So far I have been to 3 grocery stores and the bookstore. I've eaten some French cheese, drank some French wine and I've (sorta) unpacked. Once my room is together, I'll post some pictures of it. All in all, I am still in one piece. 

Never Forget

I was in 6th grade in a home economics class when the very foundation of America was being tested and shaken but not broken. September 11th, 2001 was a day that forever changed America. I will never forget the fear and the feeling of loss that swept over the nation with the news of the "apparent terrorist attacks" that have since become so ingrained into the lives and minds of every American.

I have lived more days remembering the sacrifices of many, the strength of this great nation and living under the threat of terrorism than before. Being only 11 years old on September 11th, 2001, the New York skyline has stood empty of the Twin Towers for the majority of my lifetime. Everything changed that day, not just for the victims or the fallen heroes of the day but for everyone who saw those images of the burning towers and who felt the impact and the aftermath of the attack. Everyone was affected by the terror that was created from the images passing around the country; images that will forever be ingrained in the minds and hearts of Americans.

This past week, there have been countless images, posts and specials on the September 11th attacks on this country. I tend to view myself as an informed, interested and active member of society in the way that I find it my duty as a citizen to do my research and have as much information in my grasp in order to make informed opinions about the world around me. I take pride in the fact that I am an International Relations and Diplomacy major (as well as having a degree in French) and stay on top of both domestic and international news.

That being said,I had never seen an image of the plane flying into the South Tower. I have no idea how I had never seen that image before but, it completely caught me off guard. I was overwhelmed with emotion upon seeing that horrific image knowing all of the destruction that came next. I don't know how it came to be that I had never actually seen with my own eyes the cause to so much destruction, both physical and emotional, to the heart of this great nation. While I will never forget that day that changed so much, I will also never forget how I felt upon seeing this simple image of an airplane cutting through history and how it made me feel proud of the greatness that was shown in the days, months and years to come afterwards.

This plane, hijacked and the cause of so much damage, isn't the one that need be remembered. Flight 93, the plane that did the least amount of damage, should be the symbol of 9/11. The passengers and crew of that aircraft fought so hard in order to take back control of both the plane but also of the country. Their bravery in bringing down that flight and their personal sacrifice shows the resilience of the United States of America and how the American people is a people who are not to be taken lightly.

Today I am reminded of how many sacrifices have been made in order to sustain such a freedom as this; however imperfect it is. While this land of liberty still has a long way to go to attain perfection in regards to equality, there are definite strides that have been made towards a free, fair, and just America. While I never got the chance to see the World Trade Center in person, the images of those towers will be forever etched into my heart.

Birthday Love

I've never been a huge fan of birthdays. I don't really enjoy everyone's undivided attention on me when I didn't really do anything to deserve it. There are a lot of things in my life that I have worked really hard at and I appreciate knowing that someone in my life has recognized this work and dedication but being born isn't really one of those things. If anyone deserves to be recognized for existing today, it would be my mother (she was the one that did all the work on that fateful day 23 years ago), without her, I wouldn't be here. (I guess Dad deserves a little shout out here too but that may be awkward...)

That all being said, this birthday was a magical one full of love, laughter and fun. I was lucky enough to be able to spend the day with some of my best friends, my little sister and my parents (not all at the same time but it was still great to see them all). My friends never cease to amaze me by surpassing any possible expectations that I have ever had on what true friendship is supposed to be. I am blessed with people in my life who sincerely care for me and this birthday weekend demonstrated that. R, L, Chica and the G-skitts are some of the kindest and craziest people in the world and I am so happy that I can call them my family. Being surprised by my best friend who was supposed to be far away two minutes before the stroke of midnight and having all of my friends in on the surprise is a moment and a feeling that I will cherish forever. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

With my departure date for France coming full steam ahead, I've been waiting for my anxiety to really settle in. With the exception of a few incidents, I haven't felt anxious at all. Oddly enough, I am completely at peace with the fact that in 3 weeks, I will be living on a different continent than the majority of my loved ones. I was nervous what kind of feelings this birthday weekend would bring. I was nervous that after celebrating with my friends and family, I would feel regret or sadness that I would be leaving them and being apart from them for so long. While I will miss them with all of my heart, the love that I felt today has reassured me that despite the distance, they will always be by my side to listen to my irrational ramblings, to cheer me up during a moment of sadness, to make me laugh so hard that I can't imagine ever stopping or to just be there period.

The anxiety will probably come at some point in the near future but, knowing that my family will always be there for me will make it bearable and beatable.

Ripped Passports, Visas and Housing

Today has been such a step forward in the direction of being a fully functioning, legal and not-homeless young adult in France. I have a place to live AND I got my visa in the mail today.

I will be living in a dormitory that indeed has a bed (that's right mom, I won't have to take inflatable furniture anymore!!!) and possibly other furniture. As far as I know, it's near the center of town and pretty close to my school. If I can read a map correctly, it's about 1 block from the school that I will be teaching in. The best part about not being homeless is that the rent is pretty cheap too so I may just about have enough money to not starve next year!!

After the excitement of the morning (finding out about the room), I stopped by the post office to pick up my visa. I missed the postman when he tried to drop it off at the door. I'm quite surprised by the quick turn around of the French Consulate. My appointment was last Friday!! In their haste though, they tore one of the pages in my passport so tomorrow will be spent with me calling various passport offices/other important people to see if the 2 centimeter tear on an unimportant page of my passport who impede me from getting on the plane in one month.

During my Consulate appointment, at the end, they took my picture and scooted me on my way. Apparently they used the picture that they took and posted it into my passport. While I look like a vampire because of my white skin, more importantly, I appear to look a little bit like someone who lives in Europe. My pursed lips and unamused expression are the perfect jump start to Operation Jen in France.

Exactly one month from today I will be boarding the plane and starting this adventure abroad. I am so excited about it. Everything is falling into place. I couldn't be more thankful or grateful for all of the love, support and plain dumb luck that I have been experiencing recently. Life is good.

Responsibility

Last weekend, KJ and I went on a crazy adventure to Chicago to get my visa. Unfortunately, the French government is a little needy and requires everyone to travel to the nearest Consulate. Luckily, the nearest one from Ohio is only 7.5 hours away in Chicago! (I hope that you could hear the hint of sarcasm there). While it was a lot of fun (we packed a TON into those 30 hours spent in the Windy City), I was so nervous that something was going to go wrong that I couldn't really relax or let my guard down until after my appointment at the Consulate.

When I was an exchange student in 08, I had to do the exact same visa application and travel to the exact same office and sit in the exact same waiting room in order to give them my documents and become legally permitted to live in France. This time was actually easier. There were less documents that I needed and I didn't even have to pay any money for the application. I imagine that it was so easy because I was hired by the French government so I have a bit of street cred in the system. While it's not an automatic thing, the odds are in my favor. All in all, the appointment itself was painless (other than a blister on my toe from the new shoes) and it only lasted about 8 minutes. Now I'm just waiting for my passport to come back in the mail with it's brand new visa inside of it.

One of the biggest differences between this time around and last time is that I, myself, am in charge. I was responsible for acquiring and filling out all of the necessary paperwork. I made the arrangements for the plane ticket and the visa. I showed up to the appointment by myself. It's such an odd sensation being so responsible and grown up. When I get to France, I will need to find myself a place to live (if I don't already have one) and will be pretty much on my own for the first time in my entire life. It's a daunting yet completely exhilarating feeling of helplessness. There is nothing that I can do to change this. It's going to happen whether I'm ready or not. Hopefully, I will be ready and prepared.

The Life of the Procrastinator

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't a procrastinator. I try so hard to be organized but I know that it isn't in my blood. Even writing this blog is an example of me putting something off.

I am leaving for my visa appointment in Chicago tomorrow with KJ and I have yet to really get anything together other than knowing that we are going to sleep at A's house in the suburbs. I need to pack, get everything together for the appointment, fill out some applications (in blue ink, I've learnt my lesson with the French government before), get my passport pic taken, do a million other bureaucratic things and clean my room.

I wish that I could be more organized. I wish that I was all ready to go to Chicago. I wish that I was all ready to go to France. I wish a lot of things but, wishing in itself is a form of procrastination. I'd better just go and do something.

Bag of Emotions

Today has been a whirlwind of emotions. Alright, who am I kidding, my entire life is a whirlwind of emotions. When God was handing out the different attributes, I think that he slipped and filled my whole trick or treat bag of personality with emotions. I am so excited to go to France and teach little French children but, the logistics are a little overwhelming. I am nervous that even though I have been trying to save every penny, I may run into some money problems when I get over there.

I'm no stranger to being frugal or waiting (sometimes not so) patiently until I can afford something. That wait (usually) makes the fruit sweeter. I'm nervous though that once I am in France and living there, there will be some things that I won't be able to wait to do and I will feel stressed over money there.  I guess that I'll just have to suck it up and worry about that when I get over there. Hopefully, everything will work out and things will just fall into place.

The dull ache behind my eyes from the stress tears is a telltale sign that I worried enough today. I need to fall back into my bed and try to float off into the land of dreams where I will hopefully not think about the headache that is France. This is going to be the adventure of a lifetime, I just have to get there. Last week I bought my plane ticket. I am so blessed and lucky that my Dad bought it for me. He is so awesome and I don't know what I would do without him. Later this week, KJ (my sister) and I are travelling to Chicago so that I can get my visa. I'm a bit nervous for that too but I'll get to see my Chica so it'll be worth it.

Days like today remind me that I am by no means in control nor would I want to be. I am thankful to be guided and encompassed by such a loving Father that I don't have to worry about any of this. If only I could remember that when life gets overwhelming!

Hakuna Matata

With my time here in Columbus dwindling down to nothing, I am trying to catch my breath. I feel so odd. In 5 days time, this wonderful place will no longer be my home and I will be unemployed, living in my parents house. I should feel more anxious and more upset by the imminent upheaval of my entire life but, I find myself oddly content. 

I feel out of sorts with this contentment because I was expecting myself to be an emotional roller coaster in the week leading up to moving home. Instead, I'm living in the moment and not having any anxiety about leaving everything I know. My life is about to literally become unrecognizable and I honestly do not have a care in the world. 

I feel as though currently, I am a walking billboard for Hakuna Matata. It means no worries for the rest of our days. It's a problem free philosophy. Hakuna Matata is a place that I have never been before. I've always fretted over something or someone, usually over what someone will think of something that I am doing. Being in this mindset of freedom of stress is unchartered waters. 

If this is any notion on how my outlook for moving to France will be 5 days before The Move, I am literally such a different person than I was at any other time of my life. I don't know if its me being oblivious to my feelings or a newfound level of maturity but, I am at peace right now. I am happy. Hakuna Matata.

Time and Change

Time is counting down and the end of an era is approaching. On August 5th, 2013, I will no longer call Columbus, Ohio my home. Ironically enough, that date is exactly 3 months after I graduated from The Ohio State University.

 It is such an odd feeling that in less than 2 weeks, my surroundings and my routine will be entirely shaken upside down and I won't be in the heart of Bukeyenation with my pack of nuts any longer. Ohio State has given me so much in the form of intellectual stimulation through various professors, challenging coursework and companions who enjoy discussing matters of the mind while simultaneously enjoying some fine spirits (we like to call that "geeking out"). 

Ohio State is a place of firsts:

My first roommate and my first my first Spring Break,

My first broken heart and my first broken bone,

My first all nighter and my first hangover,

My first storming of the field and my first scotch on the rocks,

My first Scarlet and my first Gray.

It is so troubling that this inspiring place of so full of wonder and potential that has been the home to so many firsts is being clouded by the immense  weight that is the fact that this next two weeks are no longer moments of firsts but rather moments of lasts. I don't want this crazy adventure that is college to end!!

Paths

With every fleeting moment, I become more unsettled and less comfortable with the shifting status quo that is my life. Is it selfish to be so fulfilled with who you are and the way your life is right now that change is unwelcome even if it is full of the promise of adventure? 

This summer has been a season of perpetual change and it is only the beginning . There is so much change coming in the imminent future that I'm nervous that when I look back on today, The person looking back will be so different that they don't recognize the person that I am. I can't see the end of the path that is my life's adventure and that frightens me more than anything I've ever experienced before. There is so much responsibility that comes with being the trailblazer of your own destiny that I'm afraid that I will miss a turn and get myself lost.

I wish that everything would just freeze. I'm not sure that I'm ready for the next step in the great adventure called life. What if, instead of soaring to new heights, I fall?

Rainstorms

Laying here in my bed listening to the loud drops of rainwater splashing their way down onto anything in their path, I am deep in thought. There is so much change in the air that it is literally crashing down onto the earth. Here in Ohio and most of the NorthEast, humankind has melted and become slaves to the grips of this heat wave. This "cool" shower of raindrops is a welcome change to the humid air that has become the norm. During this reign of the sun, I've become a creature of the night. Due to an unfortunate run-in with some sunscreen earlier in the summer, I am just now being allowed to use it again (Eye guess that sunscreen and your eyes don't mix very well and being fair-skinned and freckled makes me chained to the bonds of sunscreen.  Not being  allowed to use it has forced me to cover up every part of me and stay away from the sun. 

These two circumstances (the heat wave and the rash around my eye) have created so much conflict in my life that at times, they have come bursting out in the form of tears,loud words or just moments of loneliness. I have been so conflicted in pain, in thought and in love that sometimes, in the heat of the moment, I panic. This rainstorm is so welcome. It is soothing and full of hope. It is ironic that this heat wave is subsiding just about the same time that my eye is almost fully healed. The calm pitter-patter of the raindrops remind me that even in the darkest of times, there is hope. 

Reflecting on the now

I'm laying here in my bed just thinking about how wonderful my life is. This may sound sappy or corny it, I'm so happy right now. I have some of the best friends in my life who truly care for me. My family is so supportive of my dreams and is such a positive influence on my life. I'm having a fun, carefree summer that I honestly don't want to come to an end.

I'm nervous that this is the best time of my life and that because there is so much good in it right now, I used up my allowance on blessings. I'm nervous to move to France. I want time to freeze right where it is so I can dance in the short north a couple more times and eat pizza and watch batman with my friends. In a couple of weeks, I'm moving away from Columbus and those people who have helped me become me and I'm a bit nervous. The thought of being away from Chica or R for more to 1 day leaves me in a pool of uneasy anxiety. I will just have to make sure that they don't forget about me while I'm away living my dream...

Shenanigans

My life is so full of adventure. Around every turn, there is something new and exciting happening. I try to fill my life with people and experiences that permit me to never be bored. I love discovering  new things that I possibly can enjoy forever but still appreciate (most of the time) those experiences that are just not for me.

Sometimes, my adventures turn into Shenanigans. I love shenanigans, don't get me wrong, but sometimes, I wish that my life would stay a bit more calm. 

This next year, there will be countless adventures. In less than 3 months, I will be living in France. I am so ready to be there, walking around Nancy and living the dream. I'm not too nervous about this adventure, I'm confident that it'll be an experience that makes me grow as a person and become more accepting and loving towards others but, I know that some shenanigans will strew themselves throughout the adventure. Hopefully, these shenanigans aren't too crazy!