Hakuna Matata

With my time here in Columbus dwindling down to nothing, I am trying to catch my breath. I feel so odd. In 5 days time, this wonderful place will no longer be my home and I will be unemployed, living in my parents house. I should feel more anxious and more upset by the imminent upheaval of my entire life but, I find myself oddly content. 

I feel out of sorts with this contentment because I was expecting myself to be an emotional roller coaster in the week leading up to moving home. Instead, I'm living in the moment and not having any anxiety about leaving everything I know. My life is about to literally become unrecognizable and I honestly do not have a care in the world. 

I feel as though currently, I am a walking billboard for Hakuna Matata. It means no worries for the rest of our days. It's a problem free philosophy. Hakuna Matata is a place that I have never been before. I've always fretted over something or someone, usually over what someone will think of something that I am doing. Being in this mindset of freedom of stress is unchartered waters. 

If this is any notion on how my outlook for moving to France will be 5 days before The Move, I am literally such a different person than I was at any other time of my life. I don't know if its me being oblivious to my feelings or a newfound level of maturity but, I am at peace right now. I am happy. Hakuna Matata.

Time and Change

Time is counting down and the end of an era is approaching. On August 5th, 2013, I will no longer call Columbus, Ohio my home. Ironically enough, that date is exactly 3 months after I graduated from The Ohio State University.

 It is such an odd feeling that in less than 2 weeks, my surroundings and my routine will be entirely shaken upside down and I won't be in the heart of Bukeyenation with my pack of nuts any longer. Ohio State has given me so much in the form of intellectual stimulation through various professors, challenging coursework and companions who enjoy discussing matters of the mind while simultaneously enjoying some fine spirits (we like to call that "geeking out"). 

Ohio State is a place of firsts:

My first roommate and my first my first Spring Break,

My first broken heart and my first broken bone,

My first all nighter and my first hangover,

My first storming of the field and my first scotch on the rocks,

My first Scarlet and my first Gray.

It is so troubling that this inspiring place of so full of wonder and potential that has been the home to so many firsts is being clouded by the immense  weight that is the fact that this next two weeks are no longer moments of firsts but rather moments of lasts. I don't want this crazy adventure that is college to end!!

Paths

With every fleeting moment, I become more unsettled and less comfortable with the shifting status quo that is my life. Is it selfish to be so fulfilled with who you are and the way your life is right now that change is unwelcome even if it is full of the promise of adventure? 

This summer has been a season of perpetual change and it is only the beginning . There is so much change coming in the imminent future that I'm nervous that when I look back on today, The person looking back will be so different that they don't recognize the person that I am. I can't see the end of the path that is my life's adventure and that frightens me more than anything I've ever experienced before. There is so much responsibility that comes with being the trailblazer of your own destiny that I'm afraid that I will miss a turn and get myself lost.

I wish that everything would just freeze. I'm not sure that I'm ready for the next step in the great adventure called life. What if, instead of soaring to new heights, I fall?

Rainstorms

Laying here in my bed listening to the loud drops of rainwater splashing their way down onto anything in their path, I am deep in thought. There is so much change in the air that it is literally crashing down onto the earth. Here in Ohio and most of the NorthEast, humankind has melted and become slaves to the grips of this heat wave. This "cool" shower of raindrops is a welcome change to the humid air that has become the norm. During this reign of the sun, I've become a creature of the night. Due to an unfortunate run-in with some sunscreen earlier in the summer, I am just now being allowed to use it again (Eye guess that sunscreen and your eyes don't mix very well and being fair-skinned and freckled makes me chained to the bonds of sunscreen.  Not being  allowed to use it has forced me to cover up every part of me and stay away from the sun. 

These two circumstances (the heat wave and the rash around my eye) have created so much conflict in my life that at times, they have come bursting out in the form of tears,loud words or just moments of loneliness. I have been so conflicted in pain, in thought and in love that sometimes, in the heat of the moment, I panic. This rainstorm is so welcome. It is soothing and full of hope. It is ironic that this heat wave is subsiding just about the same time that my eye is almost fully healed. The calm pitter-patter of the raindrops remind me that even in the darkest of times, there is hope. 

Reflecting on the now

I'm laying here in my bed just thinking about how wonderful my life is. This may sound sappy or corny it, I'm so happy right now. I have some of the best friends in my life who truly care for me. My family is so supportive of my dreams and is such a positive influence on my life. I'm having a fun, carefree summer that I honestly don't want to come to an end.

I'm nervous that this is the best time of my life and that because there is so much good in it right now, I used up my allowance on blessings. I'm nervous to move to France. I want time to freeze right where it is so I can dance in the short north a couple more times and eat pizza and watch batman with my friends. In a couple of weeks, I'm moving away from Columbus and those people who have helped me become me and I'm a bit nervous. The thought of being away from Chica or R for more to 1 day leaves me in a pool of uneasy anxiety. I will just have to make sure that they don't forget about me while I'm away living my dream...

Shenanigans

My life is so full of adventure. Around every turn, there is something new and exciting happening. I try to fill my life with people and experiences that permit me to never be bored. I love discovering  new things that I possibly can enjoy forever but still appreciate (most of the time) those experiences that are just not for me.

Sometimes, my adventures turn into Shenanigans. I love shenanigans, don't get me wrong, but sometimes, I wish that my life would stay a bit more calm. 

This next year, there will be countless adventures. In less than 3 months, I will be living in France. I am so ready to be there, walking around Nancy and living the dream. I'm not too nervous about this adventure, I'm confident that it'll be an experience that makes me grow as a person and become more accepting and loving towards others but, I know that some shenanigans will strew themselves throughout the adventure. Hopefully, these shenanigans aren't too crazy!