La Bise

Anyone who would like to Bise me is more than welcome
but I can't promise that it won't be without
a few nose bumps!

To any traveler from the US coming to France, one of the most offsetting things that is almost impossible to get used to is La Bise (the typical way of greeting one another by touching cheeks sometimes with your lips, making kissing noises which sometimes are real). It's both a way to say hello and a way to say goodbye and is experienced by everyone in the room whether you're 2 or 20. It's something that I still have a hard time figuring out completely. I have recently come to terms with the fact that kissing acquantainces will never come naturally to me.

La bise is a cultural phenomena that is so puzzling to try and figure out that I typically just stand with my eyes closed and wait for the other person to move around and kiss my cheeks in the way that is natural for them. To be completely honest, closing my eyes is something that doesn't help the ease of flow of the greeting and oftentimes causes more commotion than I bargained for (accidental lip brushings aren't unheard of to the French and that is with them having their eyes open!). To the French, it's an unspoken art to decipher the perfect bise because every region has a little different way of greeting each other. Differences like the number of kisses (varying between 2 and 4), which side to start on and the usage of lips or not make doing la bise as a foreigner almost impossible.

If you ask a French person, they will tell you that to them, hugging someone is a much bigger invasion of personal space and much more intimate than kissing someone on the cheek because of the closeness of the entire body during a hug. In the same way, to someone from the States, kissing as a greeting is much more intimate as it involves lips and the area near one's mouth. It's interesting to me that both cultures feel as though their way is the more conservative way to greet. I'm not sure exactly where I stand on this when it comes to the intimacy level (the French way will always be foreign but beautiful and the US way will be familiar and unexotic) but I do know that I enjoy both.

As someone from the US who isn't too well versed in the art of saying hello by kissing everyone in the room, I recognize the beauty in the major cultural differences in the way people greet each other but am also painfully aware that I wasn't born a kisser. I will continue to la bise for politeness and will certainly miss the greeting upon my departure from France but will forever hold the memories of messed up bises in my heart (most memorably my first kiss that was experienced by accident with an 80 year old man much to my chagrin 5 years ago!).